Bikes and Broccoli in Tilburg

A Street Scene in Tilburg, Holland. August 17, 2013. Photo by Trisha Thomas
A Street Scene in Tilburg, Holland. August 17, 2013. Photo by Trisha Thomas

Last week I went through one of those traumatic Mamma experiences, booting my biggest birdie out of the nest hoping that he would fly rather than hit the ground.

Nico is starting classes tomorrow at Tilburg University in Holland.  He will be studying Global Law (apparently Tilburg is one of the best places in the world to do that) with the eventual goal of becoming a Human Rights Lawyer.

Last week my mozzarella-mamma goal was to get him settled.  Now Amsterdam is only a two hour flight from Rome (and Tilburg another 1.5 hours by train), but the cultural differences are stunning, and it took a few days for Nico and me to adjust.

People in Tilburg don’t seem to use cell phones in public.  Romans live chatting away on their cell phones everywhere (trains, cars, movie theaters and churches included).  The Dutch don’t seem to have this urgent need to chat all the time. People in Tilburg — young, old and everyone in between– go everywhere on bicycles.  Every street has wide bike lanes which are packed with people on bikes.  Most of them ride bikes that are big, with the seats very high.  The bikes have no gears and the brakes are on the pedals.  I think they ride so high so that they can get maximum distance for each leg length.  The Dutch have a sedate riding style and never seem in any particular hurry.  They pedal along calmly, and you don’t see any of the frenetic Italian style swerving in and out.  When the Dutch get to a red light, they lower one toe to the ground, leaving the other on the pedal and are ready to go as soon as the bike-light turns green.  I found myself getting rather wobbly with the “one toe on the ground” system and often had to reveal that I was a foreigner by standing holding the bike with two feet on the ground.

Getting my son set up in Holland meant finding a house to live in, buying a bed, buying a light, sheets, pillow, towels, toilet paper, toothpaste, a new cell phone, a desk and a chair.  It meant trying to figure out the Dutch healthcare system.  It meant trying to ride a bike home from the supermarket with the bike basket stuffed with food and two huge bags of groceries on the handle-bars.  I made two trips like that.

Of course, my son, being an 18-year-old, was only partially helpful in all this.  He did find the place to live, and managed to get the local cell phone.  But if I hadn’t bought sheets and towels he probably wouldn’t even have noticed for several months.  I bought him a big, black, Dutch-style bike that the storeowner described as “Hooligan-proof”.  It is the simple model used by everyone with a lock incorporated and therefore no one would bother to steal it.  Interestingly, no one wears bike helmets in Tilburg.

The first day he went off for the Foreign Students Orientation, I was waiting eagerly for him in my hotel room at 5:30 after a day of frenetically setting up his house for him.  He came in, flopped on the bed and opened his lap-top.  “Hey, how did it go?  What were the other kids like? Did you make some new friends?”  I blurted out.

“Maaaa, I just had three beers, and I’m going back out in half an hour, can you leave me alone so I can check Facebook,” he responded.

I gave up and pulled out my novel.  He went out and came home at 1am after a rowdy evening of dancing.  He plopped some stuff on the bedside table and went to take a shower.  I noticed a little baggy with what looked like tiny chopped-up pieces of broccoli.  Groan.  “That can’t be marijuana,” I thought.  Back in my college days I remember marijuana looking more leafy, not like miniature broccoli.  I could just imagine the Dutch students, “Hey guys, let’s sell the Italian some broccoli and tell him its marijuana.”

I decided to let the broccoli go, but I did fret a bit about the Dutch laws regarding drugs as I dropped off to sleep.

The next morning, as Nico and I sat in the hotel breakfast room I delicately asked him, “Amore, tell me that little bag of “broccoli” that you left on the bedside table was just a provocation.  I can’t take a plane back to Rome tonight thinking you’re going to be drinking beer and smoking “broccoli” all the way through University.”

Nico grinned ear to ear, “Yeah, Mom, don’t worry, that was a provocation. ”  (Aaarrggh, why is it so hard to be a mother!! He’s lucky he didn’t get the scrambled eggs dumped on his head)

We went back up to the hotel room and he tossed the “broccoli” in the trash.

Relieved, I flew back to Rome — I still have two little birdies in my nest to worry about and I am hoping my big birdie will spread his wings and fly, or at least pedal straight.

 

20 thoughts on “Bikes and Broccoli in Tilburg”

  1. Oh my dear. You have been on an emotional hang-glider, while working yourself to the bone! With an 18 year old grunting at you and completely absorbed by meeting up with new friends. Which is just what you want him to do, of course. Leaving the nest requires the cockiness of a daredevil. Thank God, at 18, we all have some of that. But your heart leaps for him to have wisdom in all this, too. Enough wisdom, that when classes start, he will put his attention to learning. Enough wisdom to pick the right friends. Enough wisdom not to be too cocky. And enough cockiness to soar in Tilburg. One thing for sure, he will have strong legs. You prepared him well with summer hiking in the Alps. Now, will he remember to launder the sheets, keep buying toothpaste? I think he will. He’s got Barbara’s genes of organization and focus. He’s got Trisha’s genes for energy and curiosity and love of learning new things. He’s got Gustavo’s and Trisha’s passion for the health of the world. He’s got a lot, you know. And he’s got his youthful joy.

    1. Trisha Thomas

      Oh Nancy, I love your ability to comprehend. Nico does have the cockiness of a daredevil, but I am not sure he’s got my mother’s genes for organization and focus. I am guessing the sheets will not be washed and he probably won’t buy himself more toothpaste when it runs out. He does have passion and curiosity and I hope he will take advantage of this opportunity and study.

  2. Oh my Trish – I can’t help thinking your son is going to cringe when he reads this post. Let’s hope he gravitates more to the green veggie broccoli than the stuff that’s sold in baggies. But you’ve got to let the birdie fly, hard as it is to do as a mom.

    1. Trisha Thomas

      Well, I figured if he had a problem with it, he would let me know. I just sent him a text message asking him if he had read my latest blog post and he responded “nope”. He had his first day of classes today and I guess he has got a lot of other things on his mind, and he has never been particularly interested in my blog (although he is usually interested in the news stories I cover for work). I don’t think he would mind though, or I would not have done it.

  3. Tilburg sounds lovely! I would offer to do the drop offs and pick ups for you if I lived closer. Shoot, maybe they have graduate programs! Love the cell phone approach and bicycling. Sounds so civil!

    1. Trisha Thomas

      Yes, the Dutch are very civil. It makes so much sense for one’s health and for the planet to use bikes all the time and cell phones a lot less.

    1. Trisha Thomas

      Thanks Pauline — I flew back to Rome on one of those cheapie, packed to the gills, Easy Jet fights. I was feeling so tense and blue, and now I am fine. Nico has sent me lots of messages telling me how happy he is, so I am not worrying anymore. Besides, I just arrived in Venice to cover the film festival here and I am very excited about that. Hope you are well.

  4. It is amazing to think that Nico has left for college. I just can’t get rid of the image of him in a onesie, being passed between his grandparents, aunts and uncles – all amazed at the firstborn of the next generation.

    As for the “broccoli.” Oy vay!

    I’m sure he’ll be “JUST FINE!”

    1. Trisha Thomas

      Yes, I remember that onesie well. Sigh, he was such a chubby, little cutie. And I agree, he will probably be just fine, despite by fretting.

  5. ahhhh! The joys of pushing the squab from the nest box – suddenly the room seems a bit bigger, at least until you start worrying and then the whole world closes in! Get him a cat – a cat is always a good indicator of too much ‘puff’ – they climb the curtains!!

    1. Trisha Thomas

      A cat? Oh my God. NO, a Cat is definitely not the right thing for my son. I think he needs one of those grumpy chameleons you had in your last post to keep a grouchy eye on him.

  6. Ohhhh…..my heart aches and the lump in my throat is huge. Last I remember hearing about Nico, he was applying for colleges – and then there was that gorgeous post of you all in the mountains.

    They grow up too quick. One minute they’re in a onesie, next they’re out until 1am drinking beer. Where does the time go? It all reminds me of that beautiful song from Fiddler on the Roof ‘Sunrise Sunset ‘ when the parents are marvelling at their children at their weddings (when did she get to be a beauty, when did he grow to be so tall, wasn’t it yesterday that they were small?)

    My birdie is almost the same age and he is soon to fly away too. Life is happening exactly the way it’s supposed to but that doesn’t make it easier for us as mothers when we must release them to the world and our every instinct is railing against this. I’m thinking of you Trisha.

    1. Trisha Thomas

      Thank you Kathy for your kind words. I will admit that I glossed over the tears I shed when I got back to Rome and saw his chaotic empty room, drawers still open, and bed still unmade. I wept as I pulled off the sheets and shoved them into the dirty clothes basket. It is funny, they drive us crazy, we want them to go out into the world, but we are sad and emotional when they go and we are left with the empty nest. I also love the “Sunrise, Sunset” song in Fiddler on the Roof.

  7. Oh my, so he has left the nest. How are you and Gustavo doing? And how are the girls without him? While I am pleased to hear that he has moved on to the next stage of life – school and moving from home, still it must have been a bittersweet parting. It sounds like a great place to go to school. though, and I wish him lots of success. I’m sure he will settle in quickly and make many new friends. Life goes on!

    1. Trisha Thomas

      We are doing fine, and I think the girls are going to enjoy the extra attention. Gustavo — never one to enjoy an easier moment – has decided he is going to get a cocker spaniel. I am not pleased about this. I like dogs, but not in Roman apartments.

  8. Good luck to Nico!! I know he is already figuring out all those things like where to buy cleaning supplies… ha!

    You’ve launched him on the right track! The ONLY kind of lawyer the world needs more of is the human rights lawyer….!

    AND: Bicycling is certainly very healthy… now we hear more good things about brocco!!

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-23847632

    1. Trisha Thomas

      Thank you Tom and thanks to both you and Joanne for coming all the way down from Amsterdam to treat us to lunch and welcome Nico to Holland.

  9. Good luck in Tilburg. The Dutch people are amazing (being half Dutch myself and my family living in Groningen) They are helpful, all speak English, and very kind. He will do well.

    1. Thank you Nadia for your encouraging words. So far, so good. He seems very happy, he loves going around everywhere on his bike, he is making lots of friends (both Dutch and non-Dutch) and is learning a lot in his courses at the University. I am so pleased!

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