Vampire Mamma

MMiM

If you are male, STOP RIGHT HERE. DO NOT READ ANOTHER WORD.

PHEW. Got Rid of Them.

OK, female Blog Readers, on with this post.  TOP SECRET – I think Mozzarella Mamma is in menopause (MMiM).  OH, WOE IS ME!  How can it be true???  Now — why would I think that?  Among other things, I have been noticing a rising sense of frustration and irritability with the whole entire world so I Googled menopause symptoms the other day and this is what I found. There are all sorts of lovely things like: irritability, mood swings, depression, anxiety, loss of sex drive, hair loss, night sweats, and fatigue, and that is just the beginning. (see Link HERE to get totally depressed)

It all started the other day when I was taking my dog, Settimo, for a walk and this lovely, friendly golden retriever started bounding, playfully towards him.  Settimo is a total wimp and he tucked his tail between his legs and charged away heading straight out of the park.  I had to sprint to catch him and keep him from heading out into the traffic.  I caught him, put him back on the leash and dragged him back into the park.  Then all of a sudden I felt my eyes filling up with tears.  Yes, I was about to cry about the fact that my dog is such a WIMP that he is scared of a friendly golden retriever.  (what would that be– anxiety, mood swing, or depression?)

Then a few days later I had to travel with the Pope to Albania (see Blog Post: A Trip to Albania with Pope Francis ) and the press had to be at the airport for the Papal Plane at 4:45 am.  At 4:30 am I was in a taxi going to the airport with AP Television cameraman Gianfranco Stara, when all of a sudden I was steaming hot and sweaty.  “Gosh, it is pretty hot for 4:30 in the morning,” I said, “can we open some windows?”  Gianfranco opened a window and then told me, “Trisha, that is what we call VAMPATA.”  Well, “vampata” means Hot Flash in Italian, but in that moment it sounded an awful lot like vampire to me.  “A Vampata must me some sort of middle-aged, nasty, wenchy female Vampire,” I thought and contemplated sticking my pronged fangs into his neck and doing him in right then and there.  (A slight over-reaction to his probably accurate assessment).

Again, this morning, out the door to walk the damn dog at dawn.  When I got back home, I realized I had leftover pancake batter so I could make the girls pancakes as a surprise for breakfast.  I started preparing them, and then wanted to make myself a caffe’ latte and realized there was no milk in the house.  The frustration, irritability started rising up again.  Damn it, why isn’t there any MILK???  So I grabbed my purse and headed out to get some milk telling my daughter Chiara to turn over the pancakes.  I returned 15 minutes later and as I came up the stairs of our building I could smell the burnt pancakes.  I charged into the smoky kitchen and looked at Chiara and said, “YOU BURNT THE PANCAKES!”  — the frustration, anger and irritability was rising up inside me again, and Chiara looked at me and said, “yeah Mom, chill, we’re still going to eat them, and you should be thanking me anyway for making them.”

At that point I had a choice — go VAMPATA on my daughters or repress that MMiM anger.  So I repressed it by sitting down at the table and eating four burnt pancakes with strawberry jam and maple syrup on them.

If I am going to be a VAMPATA, I might as well be a fat and happy one.

POSTSCRIPT:  I’ve actually been working on a serious post today on the Synod on the Family at the Vatican and once I get over being in a grouchy mood, I will finish it and post it.

 

 

Trisha Thomas
Trisha is a TV journalist working for AP TV News in Rome. She is married to an Italian and is a Mamma of three.

28 Comments

  1. Adri
    2014/10/07

    HA! A slice of life. What can I say except this too shall pass. I love the term vampata.

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/07

      Yes, isn’t VAMPATA a fantastic word!! Too bad it means “hot flash”

      Reply
  2. Francesca Muir
    2014/10/07

    Ooooh Trisha… my heart goes out to you. Hang in there, IT does get better! And, I LOVE VAMPATA… it’s THE perfect word. Great post! F x

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/08

      Francesca, thank you for your support. I was a little bit worried about approaching such a TABOO subject matter. Uncool, I suppose. But since I am totally uncool these days anyway, I decided to go for it.

      Reply
  3. Michelle
    2014/10/08

    Oh my god. I love the idea of ‘going vampata’ all over someone. Brilliant.

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/09

      Thank you Michelle! I am definitely going super-vampata these days!

      Reply
  4. Alan
    2014/10/08

    jeez! For years now I’ve been wondering about ALL of these symptoms now I know – J has been telling me all this time and she always thinks she’s so b%^^$y right. Really gets my goat – nah, nah, nah! THEN she is always SO cool, calm and collected – I hate her smug attitude and now I’m getting all hot and flustered – damn, damn , damn! It must be the male menopause!
    Don’t think that I’m just making fun of this hormonal imbalance – just pointing out that some men suffer similar symptoms. Keep trukkin’ Trish, it’ll pass and hormone replacement can help a lot. I’ve heard it said that post-menapausal women are also very sexy – haven’t heard any men claim that for themselves, though!

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/09

      Hey Alan — you read the post!!?? Didn’t you see you weren’t allowed??? Oh well, now that you read it and commented you must fill me in on this male menopause business. I need to really rub it in with all the cameramen in my office who have been giving me a hard time!

      Reply
  5. Nancy Rockwell
    2014/10/08

    This is a hoot! And having teenagers AND menopause mood swings at the same time is either A. purgatory, or B. levelling the playing field between you and the teens in your house, who are also moody and unpredictable – and in them it is hormones, too!
    There is an upside — most of us have one or two of these symtoms but not the rest. And you do get freedom from periods, those mood swings, and all the stuff you have to lug around.
    Keep your sense of humor and you’ll get through this, too.

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/10

      I am doing my best to keep my sense of humor — but it is pretty hard sometimes. Yes, I think A. purgatory better describes my hormone filled household!

      Reply
  6. Kay
    2014/10/08

    Trisha, I actually think that “Vampata” sounds rather sexy, like some really cool Italian seductress. Like “Anita Ekberg is the ultimate vampata in the black strapless dress making the men swoon as she sashays in the Trevi Fountain…” (My version warped translation of Italian) :-)

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/09

      Oh Kay, I love your translation of Vampata — I would love to be a really cool Italian seductress flouncing around a fountain in a strapless, black dress. Right now I am more likely to jump into a fountain to cool down.

      Reply
      • Kay
        2014/10/09

        Then maybe we can imagine that Anita Ekberg was having hot flashes! :-)

        Reply
      • Kay
        2014/10/09

        Then maybe we can imagine that Anita Ekberg was having hot flashes and that is why she was in the fountain! :-)

        Reply
        • Trisha Thomas
          Trisha Thomas
          2014/10/10

          That is probably why she was in the fountain and enjoying every minute of it! A tour guide told me the other day that Marcello Mastroianni was being a real Italian male wimp about filming in the fountain because he was worried that he was going to get a fever and that Anita Ekberg –clearly of sturdier Nordic stock, and perhaps happy to cool down her vampata, had no problem at all with having to stay in a cold fountain for hours on end!

          Reply
  7. Lin Celoni
    2014/10/08

    Vampata – perfect. Be careful with your diet. You will gain weight so make sure they are happy pounds/kilos. Filled with cheese, gelato and and rich happy foods ;-)

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/09

      Ok, you don’t have to insist with me, I’m all over the gelato, mozzarella and pasta!

      Reply
  8. Debra Kolkka
    2014/10/08

    I have been having vampata for 20 years. I love the word and will enjoy the hot flushes now that they have such a great name. Menopause is not the end of the world…there are benefits.

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/09

      Oh quick, please Debra…tell me what the benefits are. All I am noticing are the negatives these days. It even does feel like the end of the world, but that may be due to my menopause induced anxiety and depression!

      Reply
  9. Joan Schmelzle
    2014/10/08

    Let’s see if I can remember back 25 years or so. Grouchy? Oh yes! Frustrated? Yep! Anxious? Oh my! But I have to say I was very lucky and missed the Vampata. I do love the word, but have no regrets about missing it. And right now the burnt pancakes sound really good.
    As other writers say it’ll be over before long. And Vampata is probably much more fun to write about than the Synod!

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/09

      Yes, it was more fun to write about the Vampata than the Synod, but I do need to get working on that post– such much stuff to try and fit in. These Vampata really stink though. Today I was interviewing the head of the Spallanzani hospital for infective diseases in Rome about their preparations for any eventual Ebola cases in Italy and I got so hot at one point, I was sweating all over my face. It was really embarrassing! Can’t wait till this is over!

      Reply
  10. Karen
    2014/10/08

    You are not alone and we are all in this together! I can’t be that far behind you. Right now when Aunt Flo comes for her monthly visit about a week prior I find myself crying over my dog’s impending death (of natural causes in maybe 10 years…. he’s only 5) and then irrationally upset over the sound of my son’s chewing (which apparently I can only hear once a month when I literally want to poke him in the eyeball if he smacks one more time…). WTF on both of those dumb things??? Is it going to get worse than this? OMG… my poor husband.

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/09

      I would say my poor husband too, except that he is usually the one driving me insane…I didn’t write about him for diplomatic reasons. Anyway, glad to hear I am not alone.

      Reply
  11. Joan Schmelzle
    2014/10/08

    Enjoyed the post, but I am really grouchy and frustrated right now because somehow I disappeared what I was writing twice. And I can’t blame Vampata either. While I love the word, I can’t say that I am sorry to have missed that one symptom some twenty five years ago. Had all the rest though! All will be well!

    Reply
  12. Robin
    2014/10/09

    Great post! Here in the US hot flashes are often referred to as “my personal summer”….and other less PG terms, too. I began the big M about 10 years ago, and will admit that I didn’t have the extreme symptoms that some women suffer, but the hot flashes are no respecter of persons. I recall shopping in the summer and thinking “boy, it’s really warm in this store”, and then realizing that the store was air conditioned and in fact, it was almost chilly on my hot skin. Also noted that no one else was fanning themselves. The good news: my 50’s have been the best years of my life for a whole variety of reasons, and totally worth any issues with the big M. Hang in there…and carry a bottle of water wherever you go.

    Reply
    • Trisha Thomas
      Trisha Thomas
      2014/10/10

      Thank you Robin — Yeah, I feel like I am a walking Furnace heating up any room I am in. Anyway, it is great to here that your 50s were wonderful years. That cheers me up.

      Reply
  13. Laurel Barton
    2014/10/10

    My new favorite word. I hope I have “una vampata” today so I can say the word! Enjoy the ride, don’t freak out, wear sleeveless dresses all winter. Small fans placed strategically are great, too (desk, bedside, kitchen), It is nice when it’s over for many reasons.

    Reply
  14. Włochy by obserwatore
    2014/10/10

    Tranquillo, all you can do is keep breathing:)

    Reply

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