My frustration over the bad attitude of Romans has boiled over this week and is spilling into this blog….
It started as I was walking across Piazza del Popolo heading home the other day. There is a lot of activity in the Piazza in the late afternoon and early evening. Usually a street entertainer is blowing giant bubbles that children run around and try to catch. There is a Pharaoh street performer encased in a golden outfit who stands in front of the obelisk hoping for some spare change. Then there are the Bangladeshi migrants who wander around trying to sell roses, selfie-sticks, bottles of water, or hats and umbrellas depending on the season and the weather. There are often volunteers from some group – UNHCR, Greenpeace – trying to corner passersby into giving signatures and donations. There are children climbing on the lion fountains, there are teenagers hanging out and lots of tourists wandering around.
I weaved my way through this mix of people and came to the end of the Piazza near the city wall where a young Bangladeshi was standing with some selfie-sticks with mini tripods placed on the cobblestones.
As I approached, a group of young Romans was coming the opposite direction. One girl in her late teens, about the age of my daughters, stepped out of the group, kicked over the selfie sticks and laughed proudly as she continued on her way. My mother instincts kicked in and I snapped at her “you are very rude!” as I rushed to help the Bangladeshi pick up the selfie-sticks. She turned and declared in a perfect Roman accent, “Ma che cazzo vuoi?” (What the F… do you want?).
Well, here is the answer. I want Romans to stop being rude, obnoxious, self-centered, narrow-minded, boorish brats!! There, I said it.
What is happening to Romans? Is it the economy? Italy has been struggling along for years with low growth. Unemployment is currently around 11 percent and youth unemployment around 35 percent. Young people are fleeing the country getting their education and looking for jobs abroad. Italy has been on the frontline of the migrant crisis with 181,436 migrants arriving by sea in Italy in 2016 and 110,843 so far in 2017.
Italy has not had a direct terror attack like London, Brussels, Paris, Nice or Barcelona but there is certainly concern in Rome that the city could be a target. Now as I walk to work every day, down Via del Corso and through the historic center, I pass five military jeeps each with two soldiers in fatigues and automatic rifles standing in the road waiting.
Last year Italy’s birth rate fell to a record low of 474,000 births, that is 1.3 children per Italian woman. Most young Italian women I know have zero interest in having children.
Let’s just say the atmosphere is not upbeat and optimistic.
But Romans seem to have lost interest in caring for what the city has. People throw their trash everywhere and the city doesn’t bother to clean it up. In my neighborhood, a homeless man is making a business of busily cleaning up the sidewalk in front of the local elementary school and coffee bars. He leaves a hat out with a sign “volunteer street cleaner, donations accepted.” I think he is starting to do a good business with grateful locals relieved to walk a block without feeling like they are running an obstacle course between trash and dog poop. In other neighborhoods migrants are doing a similar street cleaning business. Apparently, it is easier for Romans to drop some change in a hat than put their trash in a bin. And it is easier for the city to slack off and not bother taking care of the basics.
Taking a taxi in Rome these days can be a frightening and sickening experience. The other day I got a taxi driver – and this happens with a certain regularity – who seemed to think the solution to getting through Rome’s congested traffic was swerving in and out of cars, slamming on the brakes, cursing, surging forward only to slam on the brakes again. After five minutes of this I was feeling nauseous but I didn’t say anything because I did not want him to release his frustrations on me, after all, I was prisoner in the backseat.
A friend of mine told me the other night that she takes the same bus back and forth to work every day and has a habit of climbing aboard and saying a general “Buongiorno” or “Buonasera” to the bus driver and the others on the bus. These days the bus driver is usually on his cell phone and the other passengers look at her as if she is crazy.
Ok, so the city is filled with corrupt politicians and lazy bureaucrats – but that is nothing new. So why the bad attitude and boorish behavior? After all, the city of Rome has wonderful weather and fabulous food. Romans have the Colosseum and the Roman Forum, they have the Trevi Fountain, and the Sistine Chapel. They have a city built with Baroque beauty, Renaissance brilliance and Roman genius.
Sadly, I think Romans have lost their spark, their spunk their sense of humor and their willingness to pick themselves up, brush themselves off and go make a bella figura in a bad situation.
Hi Trisha,
I am sad to hear your comments about Romans. Perhaps there are too many tourists at the special Roman places you mention. Or perhaps the Romans have decided to be more like some of the “bad tourist” stories I’ve heard–too much drinking, too much sitting on monuments, etc. and come up with their own ideas. I’m afraid I would have made the same type of comment to the girl who kicked over the selfie stick. Perhaps luckily, I would not have understood her comment back to me. I haven’t noticed that kind of behavior though I have seen the trash.
Still Rome means to much to me so I will be back in December and hope for a better taxi driver for a couple of times that I know I will take one and also for a bus driver that might watch where he is going.
A presto,
Joan
Thanks for your comment Joan — I just love your positive attitude towards Rome. I am so glad that your love of this city remains strong and I hope that Romans will overcome this moment of difficulty and go back to being the positive, happy-go-lucky, friendly, upbeat people when I came here nearly 25 years ago.
My girlfriend and I are making our 9th trip in 10 years to Rome later in November. We fell in love with Rome and it was in that beautiful, unique city that we fell in love with each other as well. We have seen this bad attitude at times in Rome, but have always hoped it was the exception, not the rule. Times may look bleak for Rome, but remember Rome has seen much worse than this – Barbarians, Franks, Vandals, Charles V, and Fascist. We will enjoy coffee at St. Eustachio, gelato at Giolitti and house red wine with carbonara at Trattoria da Gino.
Stephen, how nice to hear about your love for Rome. It truly is an incredible city, and has you pointed out has seen much worse than its current wave of difficulties combined with bad attitudes. I hope you affection for the city can somehow rub off on the Romans when you are here.
Oh Trisha – I’m so saddened to hear that civility in this cradle of civilization has slipped so. I hope it’s just a small sliver of Romans who are behaving that way. What about the people whom you deal with daily (other than the cabbies and bus drivers) – shopkeepers, for instance? Are they polite? I think you touched on it with your comment about high unemployment, and the migrant crisis. When the economy is good, people (in general) are so much more generous. I can’t wait to return to Rome again, but you make me wonder whether I will be disappointed once back.
Hi Linda,
I would say that many shopkeepers have let politeness slide a bit recently too. You often now get the formal, but so impatient, “Mi Dica??” (“Tell me?”) when you walk into a store instead of a friendly “Goodmorning, may I help you with something?” (“Buongiorno, posso aiutarla?”) Italians make fun of American over-friendliness with their stereo-type of a waitress at a restaurant who might come up and say “Hi, my name is Jenny, how are you today?” or the gas station attendant who might say, “Now, you have a nice day!” – but these days I think I would prefer the American super-friendliness. I will be curious to hear if you notice a change the next time you are in Rome.
Sorry to say, Trisha, but Romans have not cornered the market on rudeness. American kids practically run you down on the sidewalk as they are looking at screens and not where they are going. Come to think of it, we saw a lot of that in the U.K. this year, too. But then Romans of all ages mob the sidewalks and practically run you down! (That is one thing I could never get used to when we lived in Rome. Why don’t people keep right and anticipate oncoming foot traffic?)
Your description of your taxi ride had me laughing in commiseration! Roman bus drivers do that “surge and slam” as well, and it is difficult to remain standing (because of course there is never a seat)!
People are oblivious to the needs — and rights — of others. Is it the “me-ness” of the Millennials or something more pervasive? Perhaps the corruptness of politicians and the constant stream of lies makes people think they can get away with anything.
It is very sad that we cannot rely necessarily on the civility that used to allow us all to get along even if we didn’t agree with one another.
Now that we have returned to the U.S., I still miss Italy and Rome on practically a daily basis. On the other hand, it is a relief to live in a smaller town where people are not so stressed, it is quiet, traffic is manageable, and people have time to be nice.
Thank you for your comment Laurel. There are moments when I really feel that I would like to move back to the US and be in a more manageable city. Perhaps from a distance I would start appreciating all those wonderful things about Rome that I don’t seem to notice any more. And you are right about kids everywhere…what are we going to do to make our kids disconnect for their phones, look up, look around, and be polite, charming individuals??
So sad, but it is the way of the world. We need to have more respect for each other
Absolutely Miranda. We all need to have more respect, put a smile on our faces and say a nice word or two to others.
Trish what a truthful post!
I couldn’t agree more and I can see your blood has really turned into a Roman Mama: the frustration of waste, similar to seeing our teenagers bored, lounging around, wasting time and feeding boredom with inactivity. Rome has lost its pride and is in a dangerously fast free fall. I also despair every time I get there by how quickly it is deteriorating.
My hunch tells me that the problem starts in schools, missing important formative concepts like ethics, fair play in sports, formal etiquette in classrooms, mutual respect within peers, importance volunteering, zero tolerance for cheating.
Yes Allegra, you are so right!! I agree with every single one of your formative concepts that are so lacking. Lacking somewhat in homes too. I think I have not been tough enough with my own children on some of these important values.
Ahhh! They’ve caught the ‘Western Malaise’ – the final stages of HIV, the Human Indifference Virus!
Indeed they have!! Can’t stand it!
I agree with you Trisha, and with Allegra and Alan! I have noticed a completely different situation when I came back in 2010 in Rome after 20 years abroad. Romans have always been lazy, messy and easygoing, but now everything is getting worse. The congeniality which could compensate for the lack of organization has disappeared, being replaced by rudeness and the other features you described so well…. I noticed this even more last week after my short trip to Milano, which has much improved after Expo 2015!
I think all this has originated from the different historical background (Papal Rome vs. Hapsburgical Milan) made worse by the current lack of a visionary political leadership which is leaving the people without a shared collective objective.
Thank you for your comment Lucilla — you are absolutely right. I also agreed with the lack of visionary political leadership in Rome. I am fascinated by your comment on Papal Rome vs. Hapsburgical Milan and am curious to know why the Vatican would somehow result in people being lazy, indifferent and rude. You must explain that to me.
Hi Trisha,
Of course I agree completely, which is why a group of like-minded friends formed Retake Roma back in 2009 to try to wake up citizens to the necessity of treating their city and each other with the respect we all deserve. There are now over 80 neighborhood Retake groups in Rome alone and 27 Retake Cities across Italy that are “waking up, speaking up and cleaning up” to try and keep Italy beautiful. The last phrase over and we often add is “grow up.” Each week we hold an average of 10 to 15 Retakes all across the city, setting a good example with our actions to motivate citizens to change. Please visit our website and our Facebook page, find your neighborhood group, and join in. We’re fostering empowerment to make positive change and to solicit the public administration to enforce laws that demand the cities’ due respect as well. Your voice and actions would be welcome.
Rebecca — thanks for writing and describing the work of Retake Rome. Of course I know of Retake Rome and all the wonderful work your group does. I recently met Tabita Frollini who is the representative in my neighborhood and I must get involved. My compliments to all of you for rolling up your sleeves and getting involved, I must do more myself.
OF course You can’ t generalize… But unluckly it’ s mostly true. Real romans are very few now. The town now is a mix of Italians coming from all over The nation. Personally I come From Turin and I find The people here anyway friendlier than North Italians… But some attitudes are obviously unacceptable I must admit it… come anyway To Rome The eternal city Will hug You With its beauty … I can show You some if You like … vipasyana@tin.it
Marco, I think you are right – northern Italians are less friendly, a little bit colder, but my experience has been that they are more polite and respectful.
Would it have been ok to reply “For you not to be a little shit”?? Fortunately we spend most of our time in Italy in a small village in Tuscany , in Siena or traveling down in Campania and Calabria. In all of these places friendliness and manners still abound. Lack of civility is what I believe is pretty much the main problem in the world today. Just think what it could be like if people actually thought about how their words and actions affected others!! sigh…..
Well she certainly did deserve that reply! I agree with you, go to the small town in Italy and people are lovely — friendly, polite, respectful — the problem right now is definitely ROME!
What and amazing post! I’m glad I found your blog. I live in Rome and I feel the same way about Romans. Like you said “they are rude, obnoxious, self-centered, narrow-minded, boorish brats!!” You forgot to mention RACIST. I agree with you, northern italians may be colder, but at least they are way more polite.
This is my sixth year here in Italy and I must say I have tried to immerse myself in Italian culture and learn from them. I have learned Italian as best I can and can even speak with the Roman accent (I would say C1 level). Of course, this does not mean I know how to communicate in every situation (I have moved 7 times in 6 years so those conversations with landlords have had practice), so speaking to someone you hire to do a job or even just a cheeky gelato seller is tricky. I say all this to come to my point that It has been very hard to find Italians who really are open and kind. They think all of their things are the best and varied (food, history and amusingly, even their laws) and feel threatened at the drop of a hat if told about other interesting , not better but different, foods, cultures, ways of thinking etc. You can tell when they do this when they start to interrupt and then yell, even if you are a customer or client! I am very disillusioned because I have wanted to make a life here but maybe there is very little for them so they aren’t as accommodating. They very much have, as they say, small town mentality. One friend said that even in his small town in Tuscany, he boasted of not liking the guy who lived a km from him. I am continuously shocked by their behavior. As a teacher, I always hear about their children’s “insecurity” when their child has an issue at school even if their children isn’t “in trouble”. They then proceed to list their children’s lacking capabilities. They are rude, offensive and insecure. I say all this because after being called names and being yelled at by an interpreter for simply wanting to communicate my needs, and after almost daily situations that you describe above, I sadly think it must be time to go. The handful of people that I have met that are decent people I will truly miss, however! It’s all a shame. I had to vent!
I am sorry to hear your time in Italy was so difficult. I obviously can relate to some of your negative experiences but they have been outweighed by my positive experiences. I am glad you vented, but I hope you did not leave.
Hi Trisha, thank you for your post! I am an American woman with a strong love of food and family and as such have romanticized the idea of spending time in Italy. This year I finally decided to take the plunge and booked a month in Rome. I chose Rome because there is so much to see and do and is centrally located so I can easily take weekend trips to other cities, Venice, Florence, Naples, Positano. (As I am working remotely during the week) So as any considerate tourist does, I vigilantly studied Italian, packed modest clothing, researched how to navigate transportation etc. I have been in Rome for one week and I’m so discouraged. They laugh at me when I attempt to speak Italian. Most times buongiorno or caio is met with an eye roll or blank stare. Even the exchanges I witness between locals is usually brash. I have yet to get any local to engage in any form of conversation. Confused at why I am not making any progress warming up to people in my neighborhood… I googled “are Romans rude” and found your post. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone and appreciate the means to vent myself.
Hi Rosie — Don’t get discouraged. I promise things will get better. Try to get off the beaten track a bit. What neighborhood are you staying in? You should also visit Naples sooner rather than later, that city is doing so well right now and Neapolitans are very friendly. Rome has so many hidden secrets — just yesterday I passed through the courtyard in Palazzo Venezia as I was walking from the Tram 8 stop at Piazza Venezia to my office and it was so stunningly beautiful. Go to some less well-known museums – Palazzo Barberini, Palazzo Massimo, to some less touristy parks – Villa Ada, Villa Glori,– some less touristy restaurants and I think you will find some nicer people. However, I did write that post because Romans are definitely down in the dumps these days and being very rude!
Hi Trisha,
I am in Rome right now as I write this message.
I started off in Milan, and didnt have a problem.
Then Florence no problem
Venice-only other tourists are rude
Then Rome. …oh my gosh.
I feel like I just came to see all the historic sites and I will never come back again. Even if they do have amazing food.
I am traveling with my wife and at first I thought they were just being biased to Americans. But I have seen the Romans be rude to everyone.
I decided to take the metro and to board the subway I saw a girl just ram through a bunch of people as soon as the doors opened and didnt give them a chance to get off.
Or they will just look right through you and and not try to avoid you.
The attitude of the people is just weird and really annoyed me.
I almost feel completely disrespected, there are other bad things that happened that I wont mention so as not to dwell on it, but its as if they go out of their way to be rude to you.
In other situations it’s like if you are just standing there trying to avoid a bad situation and there is free space around you, its like they will find you and pick the tiniest gap between you and your loved one’s and try to violate that space.
It feels so deliberate.
What can I say. It is all true. Not a good period for Rome and Romans. I can only hope things improve.
Embarking on a Dream Trip to Rome: A Mix of Wonders and Meanness
Hello Trisha,
Thank you for your post. I was about in tears after Day 3 in Rome and your post made me feel better.
This present journey to Rome was a long-anticipated one – a vacation to Italy with my mother, a resilient 76-year-old cancer survivor and widow, accompanied by my husband and young son. The allure of Italy had always been a dream for my mother. I, in turn, envisioned Romans as friendly, life-affirming individuals and was excited to experience Roman la dolce vita. A year of planning fueled our excitement for what I/we hoped would be an unforgettable, warm experience. My mother even studied Italian for 250 days straight taking daily lessons.
However, reality struck. Contrary to expectations, we encountered a number of Romans who were rude and even mean. The first day left my mother in tears. I won’t go into it.
The disconnect was also particularly evident with the local drivers who, to our surprise, did not respond to greetings or thank yous and talked on the phone while blaring techno music. Their choice of routes, leading to increased meter charges.
Returning to our Airbnb tonight, I found myself grappling with regret. The investment of both time and money into this journey left me feeling somewhat despondent.
Having spent six years in bustling New York City, I am no stranger to the nuances of big city life or “tourist traps.” Ironically, I recently revisited NYC a month ago and reveled at the warmth and kindness of NYC people.
Despite the disheartening encounters in Rome, I am grateful for the silver linings – the food, art, and rich history brought to life by our exceptional/friendly tour guides. I’ve never been inundated by such incredible/world-shaping stories of war/betrayal/lust/riches/power/genius/passion. I will forever treasure hearing and seeing these ancient stories come to life.
In sum, I came. I saw. But I’m never coming back.
Thank you for your post and giving me a chance to process!
Why not just move out of Rome to one of the smaller communities where the people tend to be happier and friendlier? You can still travel in to the city whenever you need to. During my two years in Italy the locations I enjoyed most were smaller cities like Terni and Ostia. And there are even smaller communities close by to Rome like Castel Gandolfo. How can the “vita” (in the city) be “dolce” when the people are “amaro?”
Hi Trisha, reading your post and responding in 2023. I loved the city, which truly is a museum, but the attitude of the shop keepers, and the restaurant owners really made us both sad and angry. We are small eaters, and we noticed that we were treated rudely whenever we refused water (seriously? Do I have to order water, even when I carry my bottle around?) and even more rudely if we decided to split an appetiser and main course. Honestly, we cannot eat very large portions, and even though we mostly did order wine as well, we could hear disparaging comments about our ‘sharing’.
On two occasions, even though we patiently waited over 40minutes for a table, Italians who walked in after us were given a table before us – I don’t speak Italian well, but I have studied it and understand it , and I know those people definitely did not have reservations.
Shopkeepers will not attend to you – at all. And when they do it the interaction will be a brusque and impatient if you do not decide quickly.
In the bus, on one occasion when all the local ‘Tabacchi’ has run out of ‘bigletti’, we paid via our phone for tickets – the payment showed ‘pending’ although the amount went from the bank – clearly showing the payment to ATAC – the amount being lreflected in USD and not €. The ATAC guys fined us – even though the amount in dollar payment was clearly visible ( and in fact did go through later that evening) and when we asked if we could apply for a refund – they said ‘go back to your country and apply for the refund through your embassy’! Really???!!!
In general, unlike many countries that we have travelled to, where people who deal with tourists are friendly, curious, if not overly helpful, at least tolerant of different cultures and people, we found Rome to be sadly lacking.
Feels really terrible that a country that gets so many tourists from all over the world, is so disparaging of visitors.
Thank you for this comment. Yes, Romans should be ashamed. They desperately want the money that all the tourism brings in and then cannot even treat visitors decently? Do not get me started on the subject of the ATAC public transportation service in Rome. Again, that is something Rome can be ashamed about. How dare they fine you for not having tickets when you paid for them?? There should be 10 times the number of buses in Rome, especially the little electric buses. The drivers should be forbidden from using their phones and required to be polite to passengers (both seem obvious but for some reason they are not, drivers spend most of the time on their phones and are pretty much always rude as far as I can tell). Anyway, as someone who has adopted Rome as my city it makes me sad to hear of these bad experiences.
Having the same feeling , they are way too
Rude !
If i ask them for directions they dont even watch me , they tried to pickpocket me twice and i got 2
Air B frauds !
The workers at the hostel they treat you like they are doing a favor to you .
Also if yoy speak them in spanish they treat you a lil better , they hate USa
People
Trisha,
I am an American and have been living in Rome for 11 years. Have your experiences changed at all since you originally made this post? Sadly, as you know, the city of full of pathetic people – not just rude, but igorant, lazy, unprofessional, low-class morons who know nothing about the world outside of Toxic Rome. It sucks and nothing will change. However, there are still nice people here, lots of foreigners, and I have a lot of extended family here who are Roman and also from Naples, and they are good people. Sadly, the crappy people make it a really hard city to live in, and it’s also overrun with tourists. Yet there are few incidents of serious crimes. I speak Italian well and know how to handle Romans (usually), so I manage. I’ve definitely got plants to travel and try living in other more Northern cities in the future. What else can we do? Fight fire with fire – if some bratty teenage girl knocked over someone’s stuff in a piazza and I saw it, I would have some choice words for her that she wouldn’t soon forget. Gotta teach them a bit of a lesson about their arrogance. Shrugs…you seem like a nice lady. Good luck haha!
Just back from my Paris and Rome trip and I will not be stepping into Rome again :) To the other commenter, this is the April 2024 experience so most recent. I had been to both before but could not remember why we never went back to Italy – last trip was 2008. We have been back to Paris many times, and yes I do speak French but still, Italy, the dream place, the top destination, let’s go there, especially for my big birthday. Well, Paris was a dream as always and the French are genuinely, sincerely and truly kind and gracious and polite and I never once felt pressured to buy anything. I could NOT not not figure out why Rome rubbed me the wrong way. Our hotel staff was wonderful, shout-out to the Tribune Hotel, but it was not until I got home and reflected on it that I realized: The Romans were so bloody rude in so many ways that rubbed me the wrong way. We went to a mom & pop restaurant for our first meal and I said “merci” by accident and the waiter said “Oh you’re in Rome now we say Grazie!” (Well F you too!)! And in every shop we went, they pressured us to buy and the moment they realized you’re not buying, there is this huff and attitude, so so SO obvious, that you just get turned off by the whole experience. Another restaurant just made me feel like we may be intruding on this server by ordering. Also, your pasta and pizza is not that awesome, your bread is disgusting, the sandwiches have absolutely nothing on France, heck we have better sandwiches in America, and I am forever done with having any desire to return to Italy. Now I remember what I could not verbalize in 2008.
I came to this website as I googled “why are Romans so unfriendly”.
Having lived in multiple places worldwide I have now been in Rome for a few months and find it an extremely difficult place to live in.
The climate and city itself are amazing but the people don’t make it easy for you. Surely, I don’t speak Italian but even then. We have had so many random encounters already whether it was at the supermarket, governmental offices or with neighbours where people were just straight up rude. As said I’m used to adjust to new cultures but have never felt so unwelcome in a new place.
Everyone keeps telling me to “go with the flow” and that “once you figure out how to deal with them it will be just fine” but please explain me how…
Just be rude back to them? Would love to hear some tips.